Perspective is an interesting concept. It can be simply the difference between knowing and understanding; parroting a concept, or applying it. I am embarrassed to say that up until now, I haven't understood patience like I do now. Previously, patience meant making yourself wait for things to run their course, while you sit and squirm; as if you were a child on Christmas eve and you couldn't wait to open gifts. Which was how I felt. I wanted to learn everything all at once, and open all the gifts at the same time. I believed that things take as long as it takes, only under the condition that I put forth my best possible effort. If I do not put forth my best effort, then it is taking longer than it should. Right. How silly.
I still believe that I must put forth my best possible effort, but my perspective on what I'm doing has changed drastically. No longer do I want to learn everything all at once, because finally I see that I haven't truly given the things I know their due attention and practice. Just because I know, does not mean I understand. I may know the steps to Da Mu Hsing, but I have barely scratched the surface in understanding the secrets, and gifts of knowledge and techniques that this form has to offer. In fact, this shift in perspective means that how I practice has also changed. I no longer want to open all the presents at once; rather, carefully unwrap, admire, and appreciate each gift. I want to take the time to play with the packaging when I open the gift. I want to appreciate the effort and care taken in those who wrapped this gift, and when I finally get to it, I want to take the time to truly enjoy the time I spend playing with each toy.
As I take this new approach to practicing, I find new and exciting things to fix and learn and play with in every moment I spend practicing my forms. I find more things to work on than I seem to have time to work on. For every one thing I fix, I find three more other things to fix. This is an extremely exciting and gratifying way to look at forms and practicing. It may appear to an observer that I do a few moves, stop, and redo it, and do so over and over and over. But in my mind I can't move on if I keep doing that one little thing wrong. The knowledge I have been taught so far have already given me a lifetime of things to practice and improve.
So I guess to kinda wrap up this wall of text, I now see patience as more of a state of mind, a way of thinking, instead of something to be done. If that makes any sense.
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